Saturday, August 22, 2009

Strippers, Guns and Bratwurst

So downtown Clarion wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. Main Street was dead and apparently, girls just don’t dress like me there because I stood out like a sore thumb. And I was just wearing a tunic. Oh my gosh! So instead of going to a pub and grill, I snuck into Vinny’s Pizza to get a slice to go and bring it back to my motel room. As I waited for my slice to be warmed up, I got to “meet” the barmaid from the next door, Vinny’s Bar. She wore a sexy short red dress (stripper-ish), high heels and had much enhancement in the chest area. Needless to say, I have to get over the whole townie bar thing and venture inside next time. She was something else. I wish I could have shot her. Would’ve been a great photo.

Came home to that stupid Meryl Streep ABBA movie. How did that get made? Woke up to a continental breakfast that included waffles! Isn’t that nuts? Usually, it’s bagels and cereal and coffee. But there were fresh waffles with syrup for free (miss you Shawn). Checked out and went into town to see the place in the daylight. It was still quaint and scattered with folks going for breakfast at the country kitchen. I bought some postcards, got stamps at the post office (no line) and visited the local Goodwill where I found this great platter with the Pennsylvania Game Commission on it. Thought that was for casino regulation or something but on my way back from the dude ranch up river, I learned that it’s like deer and other targets. I stopped along the road because I saw this strange setup with men and guns. Apparently, they were shooting “300s.” That’s the name of the type of rifle they had. It was super loud. I had to hold my ears and it still hurt. But they shot at their targets and probably thought that I was making fun of it all but I do know that deer mate like mad and cause some trouble and unfortunately need to be shot. Right? That’s what the boys in my high school told me when I hit a buck with 10 points with my little Toyota Corolla. Population control. Whatevs. So I met these boys with guns and it was fun.

On the radio driving around town, I couldn’t help but notice again how awesome the songlist was. I know Doug, it’s evil Clear Channel. But it’s sooooo nostalgic. Air Supply, Tom Jones, Billy Joel, “She’s a brick house.” There is also a lot of glam band rock on the airwaves. Aren’t those mostly men in robes with makeup on? And that surprises me considering most of the people around here have bumper stickers that say “Marriage: YES! One man. One woman.” I even got into the car once and that song “I lick ya boom boom down” was playing. Not sure what it’s called but I know you know the one I’m talking about. As “Piano Man” played, it brought back so many memories of high school and going up to Lake George with Amy, Casey and Mary E. We used to tear it up in that town and I had to remember how easy that was to do. Now I’m legal, I have to venture into a bar fer gosh sakes. And maybe they’ll have a jukebox and I can get everyone to sing to a Billy Joel tune.

Or…. This DJ had just finished playing “Flashdance” by Irene Cara and made a mistake saying that there was a remake of that film out now. He meant “Fame.” Duh! How could you mess that up! But then Flashdance came to mind and I thought, I’m going to go thru some steel towns. Why can’t that happen to me? Meet some hot dude and look very cool about town in my tank and worn-in jeans. Oh wait, she was also a stripper at night, right? Scratch that. Speaking of stripping, there are an awful lot of highway adult stores here. And the billboards are funny because they’re like "EXIT NOW!" as if it’s an emergency to find porn while driving on the interstate. And NOT speaking of porn, there is a lot of God TV here. Ministries on every channel. What’s up with that? Oh, and I’ve decided after today that one of my series of photos will be the messages on the marquees outside of churches. They are a hoot! Also, it’s like 53 degrees at night yet it’s summer here too, right? Sheesh. Actually, I shouldn't complain because it was like Africa back home. This is a welcomed change.

So before arriving in Bucyrus, Ohio, where the annual Bratwurst Festival is, I stopped at the AAA I-76 Antique Mall and what a distraction (no guns allowed in the mall FYI). These antique malls are everywhere other than NYC and I heart them. But they are like 40,000 square feet of booths and it’s exhausting. Okay, back to the sausages! Wowsa! It was a seriously cute little festival with rides for the young-ins and lots of greasy food for the rest of us. Funnel cakes, cotton candy, deep fried Oreos, BBQ ribs, blooming onions and lots more! I went around shooting everyone and it was genuinely fun to share in this big event for this small town. And I mean small. BTW, I got to meet Miss Bratwurst 2009.

So there literally wasn’t anywhere to stay in Bucyrus, not even a scary motel. Another thing I noticed about the kids in Ohio, they’re all blonde for some reason. Their parents aren’t but they are. And on the news tonight, I learned that this guy with really white teeth that lives in this town shot 3 women in a fitness club because he was sick and tired of being turned down by women. Yea, so I’m going to close on that little tidbit. I’m rambling, I know. Tomorrow, I head to Peru, Indiana, a suggestion from Shawn at work. They pronounce it Pee-roo. Hilarious! It’s apparently the site of The International Circus Hall of Fame. Can’t wait!


Matthea said...

I will leave a comment even though it seems that I am the only work person not mentioned in your posts so far (jealous!). Would it help if I mentioned how weird it is to see some other person sitting at your desk for now, and how amusing it is that the dunce drawing is still taped to the monitor while someone else uses it?

I love the photos, especially how excited Ms. Bratwurst 2009 looks.

Elizabeth said...

I'll be sure to mention you in the next one and make sure she doesn't mess with my dunce illo. i still have to get it signed by the artist.

Watercolours said...

Re. Life is so humorous,I fell in love with that smiling face. That is sad cos I'm seventy five years old! Still like women and have lots of memories. Mick.